i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
