Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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