got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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