I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
