maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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