The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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