Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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