That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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