I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
