How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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