i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
