His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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