and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
