dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
