But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
