this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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