Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This is classic penis vs brain.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
