Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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