There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
