I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
