Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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