the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
this just has baby written all over it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
