walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
