So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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