shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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