i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
