I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
