Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Houston, we have a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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