Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
