Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
