with your own penis?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
