In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
