dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
