the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
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There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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