One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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