I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
