u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
