I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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