We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
