Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
