he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do vagina's smell?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
