He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
