the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
