if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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