im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
