cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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