Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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