hotel room ftw
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Congratulations! We have a period
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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