I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
