hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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