Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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