Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
