Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
