I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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