This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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