Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
