I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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