If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
