Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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