Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I deserve this hangover.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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