Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
