Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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