sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
