chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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