Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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