We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
