Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
