I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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