i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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