YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
