I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize
