I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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