forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
