Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
