he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
