I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My ass is underappreciated
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
